Shawna Schuh, Presenter, Author and Consultant

Profitable People Skills

Pay Back Time

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Pay Back Time

By Shawna Schuh, CSP

Sometimes it's much too easy to point the finger at someone else's poor behavior. Case in point - Ever been a little irritated or down right ticked off that someone stepped in front of you in line? What about someone lurching in front of you for the last seat on the bus or train when it was obvious you were just about to sit down?

The idea of people being self-preserving and having the attitude of "to each his own" is prevailing in our society now. It's even being written into pop culture. The popular television show, ER, had an episode about the head nurse, Carol Hathaway, who was very pregnant. A few people were rude to her in a coffee house where she had stopped to get a glass of warm milk. This entire segment had at least three different people being rude. From a young man who wouldn't give up his train seat, to someone cutting into line in front of Nurse Hathaway, it was a strong depiction of the way the world has become. As the segment goes Carol steps out of the coffee shop where she had just gotten her milk and a car comes careening out of control and into the front of the building. The victims, including the same individuals who were rude, are rushed to the hospital where she is forced to attend to the very same people who had treated her so poorly less than half an hour before. Nurse Hathaway was actually gracious to these people even though they had treated her poorly!

This teaches us that we should not let other's behavior reflect negatively on our behavior. Also, what a great lesson on how the world throws us a pay back. Would you want to have someone you just behaved rudely to be in a position to save your life?

The only way that we will never have to worry about pay back in a negative way is to ensure that our pay back is one of kindness, consideration, or help.

There have been many stories of how someone helped a stranger and the stranger went on to help many others because they were so positively affected by the simple act of kindness shown to them. I wish we all would do this, pass on the good. But what about when we are treated rudely? Do we pass that on too? From what I'm hearing and observing I believe we do.

There are ways to turn a negative into a positive and even though I know it's difficult to do when someone is obviously rude, I also believe that you never know what will happen in life. If I'm going into a critical situation I want all the benefits on my side and the only way to guarantee that is to behave like there could be a critical situation at any time. To that end, try these techniques and your pay back will always be sweet.

1. Pay Attention.

If there's an open seat or parking spot and you think it's yours, pay attention to what else is going on. There's a good possibility that another person thinks the exact same thing. If they get to it first, swallow and smile. Rack it up to your single-minded focus that you didn't see them coming. If you get to it first, be gracious and smile. You aren't in a race and no one beat anyone out of anything; you just had a stronger focus or faster stride.

Furthermore, if you see that someone is moving slowly, is pregnant or elderly, why not give up your seat? I know that it's hard to stand up all the way home when you've been working all day, but the graciousness you show will take away some of the weariness and do much for the state of mind of others who witness this kindness.

2. Acknowledge what just happened.

Losing a seat or place in line is irritating, but not half as irritating as the indifference or rudeness of some people who push their way in or ahead of you. Sometimes it's best to acknowledge what just occurred so that you can let the other person know that their actions were not lost on you. Remember that being rude back will only compound the problem, so this is a perfect time to use your graciousness. If someone else gets the spot first or cuts in front of you, say something along the line of, "You must be in an awful hurry," and then smile. You gave it up, you acknowledged it, and they don't have to be rude any longer. If you are the first to get the seat, make a small comment that will defuse their anger along the lines of "Getting a seat is becoming almost impossible isn't it?" This will help the other party realize that you understand how they feel, but that it didn't have anything to do with them.

Of course you won't need to worry about what to say when cutting in line since you wouldn't do that unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary to cut in line, turn and acknowledge the people behind you and ask their forgiveness, explaining that it's vital you do this thing. If it isn't vital to cut in line then go to the back like everyone else.

3. Don't be pulled down.

Screaming or becoming irate doesn't do anyone any good, least of all the person coming unglued. I have been so shocked and appalled by other people's behavior that at times I've wanted to scream out of frustration. Being a past cheerleader I know I could really get my point across in some of the busy places I frequent. This is not a good idea.

I only feel this way when I'm stressed, or late, or something isn't going right in my life. This is the hardest time to be gracious. It doesn't have anything to do with the person who was rude; that's their problem and it will come back around to them sooner or later. But getting pulled down by their rude behavior is a problem we all need to watch every day.

One thing I've started to do is say a little mantra to myself whenever I'm in crowds of people jostling for space, "How important is this?" I say it over and over and usually the answer is the same...not important enough to lose my own sense of honor or humor. Sometimes it helps me calm right down. Sometimes it gives me the answer to leave and come back later when I have more time. Sometimes it makes me laugh out loud because I'm talking to myself like a crazy person. Whatever happens, I know that in the big scheme of things this little mishap isn't all that important.

So there you have it. If you are in a public place and someone is rude, you have some tips and techniques that will help you maintain your graciousness and spread kindness too. Wouldn't it be great to know that maybe the person you just gave your seat to could be the one who helps you in a crisis? It could happen, but even if it never does the joy you feel in doing things well will keep you healthier anyway!

Conquer Apathy and Erase Rudeness as you follow proven, fun and beneficial information by Shawna Schuh, CSP. Specializing in communication, professionalism, service & business finesse. Shawna helps you bring your best self to the work you do for maximum results. To book Shawna to speak or for article reprinting contact Sandy McCready at 503-280-1946 or visit www.ShawnaSchuh.com.

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