Shawna Schuh, Presenter, Author and Consultant

Profitable People Skills

Women As Allies

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Women as Allies

By Shawna Schuh, CSP

Women are so incredible!

Women have the amazing capacity to be so many different things to so many different people. Having a woman as an ally is a gift, a blessing and very good business. I have been fortunate to have wonderful woman in my life since several minutes after I was born when my adoptive mother scooped me up into her safe and encouraging arms. I took dancing lessons and finishing lessons from incredible ladies who helped me gain self-confidence and poise. Later in life I had women as official mentors through business organizations, and mastermind partners I found through mutual female acquaintances. Call me blessed, and I know I am, but women have been very good to me throughout my life.

There have also been women who crossed my path that hurt me. From the perspective of where I am now in life I like to think the pain these women inflicted was partly my fault. I was unaware, trying to seek approval, or didn't understand the situation. I'm certain that I've inflicted some pain myself and for that I'm truly sorry. I think getting hurt or causing pain is usually about misunderstanding. The truth I'm finding is that when we become strong, confident women we can help each other in ways that are both amazing and magical, and even hearing things we don't like or that we must improve on become wondrous when shared by a women who loves rather than fears.

I remember when my brother brought his girlfriend home. My mother and I were overly anxious about whether this woman, who my brother seemed to find so irresistible, was worthy of our family. We wondered if she would fit in with our family and if she would like us. This situation was new and it scared us. Years later, in looking back on how my mother and I treated this woman, I don't think we were as accepting as we could have been, as welcoming or as gracious. I'm not proud of this, however, each of us can only treat others as well as our current relationship skills allow.

One reason for our fear is that we didn't select this woman. My brother, whose needs and desires in a relationship with a woman are very different than ours, chose her. I would do almost anything for my female friends. We've selected and nurtured our relationships for years and shared many experiences. There isn't any fear when you do the picking. A sister-in-law is thrust into a situation she has no control over and no experience with. This is an important point for all of us to be reminded of. There are people in our lives we didn't select and maybe wouldn't if given the choice, which is ripe ground for problems.

When I married my husband, who had been married before, my sister-in-law left a picture of him and his former wife on her wall for years. I understand that there was life before me, but I also can't be blamed for never wanting to visit her house. Especially since his sister didn't care for his former wife. If she was as insensitive to her feelings as she was to mine it's not surprising they didn't get along. The point I'm making and need reminding of myself, is that we need to be mindful even of people we didn't select as family or co-workers. Just because we are suddenly thrust together doesn't mean we have to be opposed. When we look at situations as opportunities instead of challenges, we see so much more and can act in a manner that will attract good things rather than repel them.

What has been great about getting older is that I'm past the pain and the upsets I used to agonize over and I know I've become more compassionate as I've matured. Now I can be a calming force, someone who can help other women by sharing that no one can make you feel bad without your permission. I always knew this intellectually but now I know it intuitively. Now I go out of my way to sooth over hurts, say an encouraging word and I am an ally to others. As I've incorporated this more women turn into allies for me as well. It's fabulous, really, and it only took me shifting from fear to openness. You didn't pick your husband's family, only your husband. There is no reason you have to like his sister or his mother or any member of his family but don't fear them. You do need to be polite, using courtesy as a tool to be who you are without letting others make you less than you are.

This works with your family and it works just as well at work. You didn't pick your co-workers but you did select the organization and job or you wouldn't be there. You don't have to like your co-workers but you do need to be polite and courteous, since your reputation and happiness depends less on those around you and completely on how you embrace things. When you become a person who under-stands that circumstances don't have to affect your graciousness, you open yourself up to all kinds of possibilities.

If you find yourself in a situation where you don't feel welcomed or loved let me give you some good news. You can leave that situation or you can change it by changing yourself. The fact is thousands of fabulous women are just waiting to support you, encourage you and love you. But you must take the initiative to meet them.

When you open yourself up to possibilities and move past your fear, wonderful things happen. You build a support system and you have a sounding board or mentor. I have many women in my life who fulfill different needs. My goal is to be an even better friend, stronger ally, trusted advisor and confidante to them then they are to me, which is hard sometimes because the women I know are amazing!

Having women as allies is the best way to live a life of peace, success and happiness. Only other women can really put themselves in our shoes, especially if we wear high heels! My husband is my lover, partner, best friend and confidante and I still need women as advisors, sounding boards, mentors, friends and allies. Those of you who have women like this in your life know what I'm talking about and to those that don't; I suggest you get some now! How? By being a sounding board, mentor, trusted advisor and ally to others. I promise that if you extend yourself and find women you can admire, work with and for, and build mutual respect and trust for, you will begin to love your relationships with women, because women are so incredible!

Conquer Apathy and Erase Rudeness as you follow proven, fun and beneficial information by Shawna Schuh, CSP. Specializing in communication, professionalism, service & business finesse. Shawna helps you bring your best self to the work you do for maximum results. To book Shawna to speak or for article reprinting contact Sandy McCready at 503-280-1946 or visit www.ShawnaSchuh.com.

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