Shawna Schuh, Presenter, Author and Consultant

Profitable People Skills

Adult Dating and Money Matters

Click to View in a PDF Format

Adult Dating and Money Matters

By Shawna Schuh, CSP

You've met the man of your dreams! He's absolutely perfect in every way. You love the way he looks, talks, sits, and scrunches up his nose when he's happy. The clothes he wears are the exact clothes you would pick for him. You seem to like all the same movies and restaurants, and you even both like to spend long hours walking through the city. You can't believe your luck and you are in a dating frenzy! Every possible moment is either spent with him or thinking about him!

You've even started to get little gifts for him since you just can't help yourself. You love to see his eyes light up when you unveil what you have in your pocket, picked out just for him. It doesn't really matter to you that he never gets you anything. It's enough to just be with him and you are grateful for your luck!

Then you notice that you are picking up most of the expense on these wonderful excursions you take as often as you can. The money is getting a little tight since you aren't used to doing so much socializing, but you know it's all worth it. You are so in love you just keep giving and the Visa is easy to use.

Every so often you wonder how come your adorable date can't even bring you a single rose once in awhile. You know he makes money and you don't see him spending any on you but who really cares? Isn't it more important that he's with you? That you get to be with this really great person who makes you laugh and whom you are falling so much in love with?

No, it isn't.

Money is one of the biggest breakers of relationships when dating or when you're so completely entwined in another person's life. Who spends more, what the money is spent on, and who does what becomes enormous as time goes on so it's vital you watch for a few signs during the dating phase.

1. As the dating gets going are you agreeing on where you go and who buys what? It's great to be wined and dined but look out if one person always picks up the tab. If it's you doing the paying there may be resentment that the other person never even offers to help with the tab. If you are always being taken out it makes things a little on the "beholden" side. Lastly, most of the time during the getting-to-know you phase of dating you don't know your date's financial situation and someone who spends a lot of money can either be someone who has a lot of money or someone who has a lot of debt. Dating leads to long-term so being able to share some expenses puts both of you on a more even footing.

2. Spending style. Some people are very lavish in the way they spend money. They tip big, they valet park, they have services done for them, and money seems to not be a challenge or concern. Then there are people who had to pay for school, who had frugal or lower income parents and who are frightened to spend money. This has nothing to do with gender and mostly how a person was raised and how they deal with money. If one person is a spender and the other is a saver there could be some bad moments coming up in your relationship.

3. Taking money or the other person's money for granted. If you start the relationship with one person paying for everything and the other person expecting it, then there could come a time when things change and the relationship is tested. Better to allow these conversations to happen early so you can attempt to prevent a broken heart and broken bank account.

How do you know what to do? Who is a spendthrift and who is an over-spender? Watch, listen, and ask a lot of questions. To have a successful relationship you both need to bring something to the table. If one person doesn't have as much money as the other it's fine, but the person with less should come up with creative ways to pull their weight in the romancing department. A relationship that lasts is built upon shared values.

There are many ways of creating romance that won't break the bank, and it takes a loving heart and a creative spirit to plan something wonderful on a shoestring. It doesn't matter how much money you have. Doing things from the heart is a better way to show commitment to a relationship, since money conditions can and do change, sometimes on a dime!

Money has ruined many relationships mostly because it wasn't discussed, someone gave up their power, or resentment set in. Dating and money are realities to someone who is single, but they don't need to be challenges, just something to be aware of.

Treat your date to a picnic in the park with homemade goodies or send hand made cards telling him how special he is. When you add a personal touch to things it shows your heart no matter what is in your bank account. Do inexpensive things that take planning and not only will you be showing your dating savvy, it's a gracious and wonderful way to make someone feel really special.

Conquer Apathy and Erase Rudeness as you follow proven, fun and beneficial information by Shawna Schuh, CSP. Specializing in communication, professionalism, service & business finesse. Shawna helps you bring your best self to the work you do for maximum results. To book Shawna to speak or for article reprinting contact Sandy McCready at 503-280-1946 or visit www.ShawnaSchuh.com.

Return to Articles Main Page

View Shawna in Action! | Free Resources | Contact Shawna!

The Schuh Store: Videos | Audio | Books